Harmony Class - Part Six - Self-Control and Christ-likeness for Couples
“You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?” Matthew 7:16 (NKJV)
The concept of "works of the flesh" comes from the biblical context, specifically Galatians 5:19-21, where it outlines behaviors and mindsets considered to be detrimental to spiritual growth and, by extension, to the quality of any relationship, including marriage. In a marriage, these behaviors can manifest in various harmful ways, opposing the ideals of love, respect, and unity that are foundational to a harmonious union. Here's a list of some of these works, how they might manifest in a marriage, and how they conflict with the concept of a harmonious union:
1. Sexual Immorality: This encompasses a range of behaviors outside the bonds of marriage fidelity, including adultery. In a marriage, it breaks the trust and commitment between partners, eroding the foundation of the relationship.
2. Impurity: This can be related to sexual impurity but also to the purity of one's intentions and actions in the relationship. It manifests through dishonesty, deceit, or manipulation, undermining the sincerity and transparency necessary for a strong marriage.
3. Debauchery: Engaging in excessive indulgences, such as alcohol or drug abuse, can lead to neglect of responsibilities and abuse, harming the physical and emotional well-being of both partners.
4. Idolatry: While traditionally referring to the worship of false gods, in the context of a marriage, idolatry can also mean placing anything—a person, object, career, or hobby—above the relationship. This can lead to neglect and emotional distance.
5. Witchcraft: Beyond its literal meaning, this can metaphorically represent the manipulation or control over one's partner, which is contrary to the principles of mutual respect and freedom within a marriage.
6. Hatred: Harboring deep-seated resentment or animosity towards one's partner can erode the love and affection that are essential for a harmonious marriage.
7. Discord: Persistent conflict and inability to find common ground or resolve disagreements in a healthy manner can weaken the bond between partners.
8. Jealousy: Excessive jealousy can lead to controlling behavior, insecurity, and mistrust, stifling the growth of both individuals in the relationship.
9. Fits of Rage: Uncontrolled anger and violent outbursts can create an environment of fear and instability, damaging the safety and security necessary for a loving relationship.
10. Selfish Ambition: Putting one's own desires and goals above the needs and well-being of the partner or the relationship can lead to neglect and a lack of mutual support.
11. Dissensions: Constantly causing division or strife within the relationship through disagreements or opposition can prevent the development of a unified partnership.
12. Envy: Being envious of one's partner's achievements or qualities can lead to bitterness and a lack of supportiveness in the relationship.
13. Drunkenness: Excessive drinking can lead to neglect, abuse, and irresponsible behavior, all of which harm the relationship's integrity and trust.
14. Orgies: Participating in reckless and immoral activities can lead to physical and emotional harm, betraying the exclusivity and sanctity of the marriage bond.
Each of these behaviors, in its own way, acts against the principles of love, respect, fidelity, and mutual support that define a harmonious marriage. They foster an environment of mistrust, disrespect, and disharmony, making it difficult for the relationship to flourish and for the partners to grow together. A harmonious union, on the other hand, is characterized by the fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—which promote a loving and healthy relationship.
Self-Control and Christ-likeness
In this session, we delve into the virtue of self-control, a crucial aspect of forming Christ-centered relationships and personal conduct, as emphasized in Galatians 5:22-23. The absence of self-control in our lives can lead to succumbing to temptations and impulses, straying from God's path. This mirrors the works of the flesh outlined in Galatians 5, such as immorality, impurity, and debauchery. Cultivating self-control is fundamental in resisting these temptations, thereby embodying the fruit of the Spirit.
Understanding Self-Control
Definition: The Greek word for self-control in Galatians 5:22-23 is "enkrateia," indicating mastery over one's desires and actions. It's about exercising discipline over our thoughts, words, and actions to align with God's will.
Biblical Examples:
1 Corinthians 9:27 speaks to self-discipline, as Paul exercises self-control to avoid being disqualified for the prize.
2 Peter 1:5-7 emphasizes adding self-control to our faith among other virtues, highlighting its importance in living a godly life.
Practicing Self-Control in Daily Life
Discipline and Decision-Making: Making deliberate choices to honor God in our daily decisions, even when challenging.
Resisting Temptations: Utilizing the Holy Spirit's guidance to resist urges that lead us away from God’s path.
Reflecting Christ's Character: Showing mastery over desires and actions as Jesus did, demonstrating his character to the world.
Questions for Breakout Discussion:
Reflect on your ability to demonstrate self-control in various areas of your life, especially in challenging situations. How does this align with or reflect Christ’s character?
Identify areas in your life where you could improve self-control. What steps can you take, with the Holy Spirit’s help, to grow in this virtue?
Discuss the impact of self-control on your relationships. How can cultivating this quality improve your interactions and bring them closer to Christ-centeredness?
Learning from Jesus in Relationships
Jesus exemplified perfect self-control throughout His ministry, resisting temptations and remaining steadfast in His mission. His life serves as the ultimate model for us, teaching us how to live with discipline and control, aligning our desires with God’s will. Through Jesus’ example, we learn that self-control is not just about avoiding wrongdoing, but about actively choosing to live in a way that honors God and reflects His love to others.